I’m a little hesitant to post this, because I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade. But I want to share what God gave me for Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s Day (plus any other major holiday) is usually pretty hard on me, for obvious reasons. I want someone to spend time with, buy gifts for, and to go on dates with. This year was a little harder because one of my cousins gave birth to her first child on February 12, and although I was happy for her, it was a bittersweet moment for me. Happy for her, yet my heart ached, wondering if I’d ever get to experience that.
I admit I was a little mad at God, and I did shed some tears, ranting and raving and wondering why I even have this desire if it’s not going to happen. I felt bad later, and apologized to God, but was still bummed about my dreams not coming true.
Well God, my Heavenly Daddy, graciously forgave me, and gave me some Valentine’s Day gifts to show how much He truly loves me.
1. On Friday (which would have been Valentine’s Day), I got to see two dear cousins of mine at the library, Kristin and Katrina. Kristin lives in Pennsylvania now that she’s married, but her husband is on a mission trip to the Ukraine, so she came down to Ohio for the week. She stopped in at the library and even bought me a Jitters Mocha coffee, bless her dear heart. I got to talk to her and Katrina, which made my day. It’s always so nice seeing dear friends and getting to talk to them.
2. Later that night, I was on the computer when Kristin called my cell phone. She was driving somewhere to meet her friends, but it was a two-hour drive, and she thought maybe I’d like to talk, since we didn’t get to spend a lot of time at the library or during the week at all when she was down here. Honestly, I believe God put that on her heart, to call me. I poured out my heart to her, and despite having bad reception, having our calls dropped multiple times and playing phone tag, it was still a good conversation. I truly believe that God knew I needed someone to talk to on Valentine’s Day, and He laid it on her heart to give me a ring. (Not the jewelry kind of a ring; but you know what I mean. ;) ).
3. I have a friend named Danae who texts me a Bible verse or inspirational quote every day, and I admit, after me and Kristin’s conversation, I felt better, but was still worrying about stuff, like, “If I do get married, how am I going to pay for the wedding” (since money’s tight at our house), “what if I’m not able to have kids but all my friends can”, etc. Well Saturday morning, I got my usual text message from Danae, and I know it was God speaking to me. It said: “If God can take a tiny stone and make a giant fall, HE can move that stone that troubles you. Luke 1:37. With God, nothing is impossible.” That’s no coincidence that Danae texted me that verse. I needed that, and God put it on her heart to send it to me.
4. Lastly, I tend to be the kind of person to beat myself up over and over if I mess up, and on Pinterest this past week, I saw a pin that I liked so much I pinned it right away. It said, “Nothing you confess will make me love you less. -Jesus.” I love it, and need to remind myself that no matter how often I screw up, Jesus is not going to love me any less. He’s the perfect Valentine. :) I love that God showed me that pin. I needed that reminder.
Now, sometimes I feel like my prayers for marriage and children are falling on deaf ears. I pray and pray, and nothing seems to happen. I wonder if God’s even listening to me. But then I thought, am I listening to God? Has He been trying to get my attention for a while, only to have it fall on my deaf ears? Maybe He’s trying to tell me, “Ashley, I love you so very much. I knew you before you were even born. I know how deeply you desire this. It’s not wrong to have that desire; it’s healthy and normal. But I want to be your first love. I want to be your true love. Only I can fill the empty places that no man or child can.”
God loves me so much that He sent His only Son to die for me. Jesus thinks I’m to die for. Sometimes the thought of being single, alone forever, scares me. Well, the thought of being alone, in Heaven forever, without me (or any of us) didn’t please God either, so He sent Jesus to die for us. Because He didn’t want to spend eternity without us, and because He knows we need Him. We are the Bride of Christ, and God wanted to be “married” to us in the Heavenly sense. Like I said, God couldn’t bear to be “single”, spending eternity without us, so He went and sent Jesus to die for us so we could “marry” our Bridegroom.
I still desire marriage. I still want a husband and children. But I’m happy with the Valentine’s Day gifts my Heavenly Father got just for me. Especially eternal life with Him. <3
I think it’s also no coincidence that the symbol for Valentine’s Day is a heart, and God laid several different things on peoples’ hearts so He could get through to me. :) My God is awesome.